after 10 years of spotless driving (that one time i was yelled at by my fraternity brother’s police-detective dad for driving in circles in their cul-de-sac while listening to the william tell overture doesn’t count), i was pulled over for the first time ever today.
the offense? driving 37 mph in a 25 mph zone.
that’s right, i’m a badass. he let me off with a warning.
at a rest stop, somewhere in new jersey…
me: “sweet! look what i found! i HAVE to buy this book!”
cynicalscribe: “NO YOU DO NOT.”
me: flips to random page and reads “…’There is never a man so poor or so friendless that he does not have an audience: God.’ …what?!?” turns book over and reads from the back “…’Use them to spice up your speeches, sermons, church bulletins–anywhere a quick word of wit or wisdom is needed.’ …LAMEST BOOK OF ZINGERS EVER.”
later that weekend…
me: “…so i picked up this book of zingers and it’s all this stuff about god and whatnot. i was seriously hoping for 5000 ‘your mom’ jokes.”
greyplanet: “‘jesus christ died for your sins!’ OH SNAP!”
a few days later…
bruno_boy: “i can imagine it now, some guy goes off to confession and tells the priest about how he’s lied and sinned and such, and then the priest says…”
me: “‘YOU’RE ON CANDID CAMERA!’”
bruno_boy: “exactly!!”
