after announcing we’re going to work on our whips

mibbs breaking ribs: “hey! i’m not the team dominatrix, i’m only the coach!”

spencer the piano player: “ok! time for john to come to the stage!”

john: *refuses*

spencer the piano player: “you won’t have to do anything! we’re getting some dancing girls up here to dance around you, you just need to sit up here and look pretty!”

john: *relents and sits up on the stage*

spencer the piano player: “ok, now let’s get some hot girls up here! any hot girls that want to try to win a shot, come on up to the stage!”

spencer the piano player: *starts playing music*

large man dropping off a song request form: *walks onstage to drop off a song request*

john: *sees the large man come on the stage and bolts off the stage*

large man: *stands on the stage for a bit while spencer continues to play and starts to dance*

spencer the piano player: “this man wins a shot for being the only person on stage!”

crowd: “hooray!”

todd the piano player: *plays the pittsburgh steelers fight song*

lady: *gives $1*

todd the piano player: “what’s this for?”

lady: “play anything else!”

todd the piano player: “ok… but i already got $20 from these guys to play the pittsburgh steelers fight song… (*to the guys who requested the steelers’ fight song*) so, i’m sorry…”

todd the piano player: *plays “HERE WE GO, STEELERS, HERE WE GO! **CLAP CLAP** HERE WE GO, STEELERS, HERE WE GO! **CLAP CLAP** HERE WE GO, STEELERS, HERE WE GO!! **CLAP CLAP***

todd the piano player: “…there, you said to play anything different, so i did!”

todd the piano player: *continues the pittsburgh steelers fight song*

spencer the piano player: “ok, enough southern music… no more ‘yee-haws’! time for some northern music! it’s now officially a northern bar”

guy in sunglasses and cowboy hat: *enters*

spencer the piano player: “holy crap! hank williams, jr! sorry, hank! no more time for southern music! time for some billy joel!”

spencer the piano player: “hey, how are you man?”

me: “doing alright, haha…”

spencer the piano player: “i need to head out, too bad i won’t get a chance to see you getting naked up on stage like usual.”

me: “nah, not tonight… but i’ll be back in a week! mark your calendar!”

after the buffet had already been cleaned up for the night

well-dressed man and woman in their late 20s: *talk to bouncer and then walk away*

bouncer: “they said ‘hey, we heard there’s a kickass buffet in here’ and wanted to know what was available, hahaha…”

bouncer #2: “hahaha… ‘kickass’?? you mean, hot dogs???”

lady in an SUV: *pulls alongside my mini and rolls down her window*

me: *rolls down my window*

lady in an SUV: “is that the john cooper works??”

me: “no, just the cooper s.”

lady in an SUV: “oh. my boyfriend has a cooper works — it’s pretty neat! it throws you around a lot, though.”

me: “oh yeah? i first test drove the regular cooper, and then i knew if i test drove the cooper s then i’d HAVE to get it, hahaha…”

lady in an SUV: “yeah, you’re a man!”

me: “hahaha, uh, thanks!”

me: “it’s the sort of a night when you need to have a pickle and a cigar.”

zenmetsu: “why??”

me: “um… because i had a craving for a pickle?”

zenmetsu: *fixes ice cream*

me: “ooh! ice cream! wait… it’s your funky sugar-free splenda crap ice cream. nevermind, i don’t want any. and besides — ice cream? cigar? pickles? it’s like i’m pregnant! where’s the baby!?”

mytinyworld: “what?! what did i miss?? who’s having a baby?!? glenn, are you pregnant?!?!”

me: “so there’s no milk so i can’t have cereal, and i used up the last egg today when i was having… an egg.”