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#5223 – happiness is

thanks all for the birthday wishes! 🙂 it was a fun time. plus, cynicalscribe surprised me for my birthday with this:

she commissioned artemna for a portrait of us (like in this photo) — it looks really cool and i totally did not expect it, hahaha. i also got a few movies from my amazon wish list and a small camera tripod, and yesterday the original soundtrack to you’re a good man, charlie brown arrived… i didn’t realize until reading the booklet with the cd that gary burghoff (“radar” from m*a*s*h*) played charlie brown.

time for bed!

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#5221 – pookie and ray-ray

on friday, we had our department’s quarterly town hall meeting. normally for these town hall meetings, it’s about an hour and a half long, with a lot of financial talk and then different teams give out awards for stellar employee performance. this was the first time i can remember it being mandatory attendance, though… usually they keep some people on the phone queues or things like that, but i guess they switched those duties over to our office in alabama so everybody in the federal team here could attend.

our department’s vice president had the town hall meeting in a tent in the parking lot (yes, in summer, but the tent was air-conditioned), and the people on our marketing operations team were wearing shirts that said “lifeguard” and beach balls were being tossed around — our department’s vice president likes to keep things fresh and likes these events to be like a pep rally, haha. they only did financial stuff for about 30 minutes or so at the most, and then it got interesting…

the guy in charge of all the sales teams in my department was retiring (well, not retiring because of age, but because he started his own business about 15 years ago and has been wanting to get back into a business of his own since then), so we got to say goodbye to him.

then they played a video clip from our kickoff (at the beginning of every year, each department has a kickoff event that’s also like a big pep rally, and there are vendors and upper management comes to talk about goals for the year); one of the associate directors for our sales team is in the army reserve and was in iraq, and at the kickoff they tried to do streaming video with him but since that didn’t quite work out they played a prerecorded message from him. well, they played that prerecorded message again at the town hall meeting, and then he walked into the tent after being away for about 13 months or so. he presented our vice president with a flag flown in his honor over his fort in iraq.

then chris gardner gave a talk. i hear you saying “…who’s chris gardner?” well, maybe you remember this movie:

yes, chris gardner was the guy who “the pursuit of happyness” was about. he gave a really good talk for about 90 minutes about his experiences on the street, and we got autographed copies of his book “start where you are”. there’s more videos about him here and here.

me, to coworkers: “when did this stop being our town hall meeting and become an episode of oprah?”

i know he gave a talk at a government symposium we had about a month ago for customers, but it was a nice surprise that they got him to come talk to us as well.

there were some good quotes from chris gardner’s speech that were pretty chuckles, i have to paraphrase but you get the idea…

“my mom told me that i could grow up to be anybody i wanted to be, do anything i wanted to do. so i wanted to be miles davis. i practiced my trumpet for about 9 years, but i guess my mom got sick of me saying ‘i want to be miles davis’ one too many times so she sat me down at the kitchen table and said ‘baby, there’s only room for one miles davis in this world, and he’s already got that job.’ i guess she had a point… when miles davis was 18, he was playing clubs with quincy jones and john coltrane. at the same age, i was playing my trumpet with guys named ‘pookie’ and ‘ray-ray’.”

“i had to make 200 phone calls a day. on a rotary phone. look at my fingers.” (shows us how his index finger on one hand bends at a wider angle than the index finger of his other hand) “see, 200 phone calls a day on a rotary phone will do that.”

“my son and i had to move into a series of HO-tels. yes, i put the emphasis on that first syllable. i hope that doesn’t cause any HR issues.”

“on the street where we were staying, there were some ‘ladies of the night’ that would go on their rounds, and they’d see me pushing a stroller with my son in it and would try to give him candy and say how nice he was. ‘no, thank you,” i’d tell them, since i didn’t allow my son to have sugar until he was 4 years old.” (the difference between the movie and his real-life story was that the son in the movie was 5 years old for dialogue, while in real-life his son was 14 months old.) “but soon instead of candy, they’d give $5 bills as if to say ‘we see you struggling out here, we don’t know your situation, but we want to help, here’s some money for food.’ so i don’t have anything against the ladies of the night. hey, but even though i don’t have anything against them, that doesn’t mean i purchased their services!”

“i had only two suits: a blue suit, and a grey suit. folks would see me and say ‘oh, there’s chris gardner, reenacting the civil war all over again.”

i’ve only read through a little bit of the book so far, but it’s really good, and if it’s anything like the way he gave his speech i’m sure it’ll be an excellent read. but definitely, this was our most surprising town hall meeting i can remember. very wow!

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#5220 – work work work

coworker: “…so he got home from china or somewhere and his key didn’t work, so he had to break into the house, then the cops showed up and when he caused a fuss he was arrested.”

other coworker: “whose house?”

me (eavesdropping): “RUN’S HOUSE!!”

greyplanet, i admit it, i totally thought of you when i saw the “Because I (expletive) my pants every time I enter the building.” quote.

today my new job became even more official when my new manager sent out the announcement to the whole government organization about my promotion:

The National Government Systems team is pleased to announce Glenn Fitzpatrick’s promotion to System Analyst.

This position will be focusing on key projects and improving turn around on high priority deliverables.

Glenn brings to the team a BS degree in Information Systems Management from UMBC.

Glenn is currently an Executive Relations Coordinator on the Quality Assurance Team and will begin on August 16th.

Glenn created the OCC calculator used in QA for auditing purposes and credit issuance.

Glenn was also able to put his technical skills to test when the team needed assistance with the Coaching and Feedback database and was able to fix it within minutes!

Along with the above mentioned, Glenn is working on the Six Sigma program and has almost completed his black belt.

Please join us in congratulating Glenn on his new position.

only a few things wrong, though:

– UMUC, not UMBC

– i’m nowhere near my six sigma black belt. i’m doing training on an internal site to prepare me for the six sigma black belt exam, but i can’t test for the black belt exam until i get the green belt first, which i can’t test for until i take a course to prepare me for the green belt exam (or so villanova’s online program tells me). i’m mostly taking the black belt training at work right now just to kill time and give me something to do while i wait for my new position to start, since this project i’m supposed to be working on isn’t really materializing.

and speaking of killing time at work, i posted this on my twitter before i left the house this morning:

that got me thinking, and then later i posted the following as a string of tweets:

I hear the boss a-comin’

she’s comin’ to my cube

and I know where my towel is,

because I’m a hoopy frood.

I’m stuck here in the office

waiting for 5 PM.

But people keep emailing me,

and they’re still misspelling “Glenn”.

When I started working,

my buddies told me this:

“You’ll always get promoted

if it’s management’s butt you kiss”

but my TPS reports lack coversheets,

that I can’t deny.

So when I’m passed over for promotions,

I hang my head and cry.

**GUITAR SOLO**

If I were a manager,

with a bigger salary,

then I’d do things only a little differently:

I’d have robots do all the work,

you see

but if the robots ever had an uprising,

then they’d be torturing me.

**GUITAR SOLO**

If I were free from my cubicle,

if I put in my two weeks,

you bet I’d spend my days

on a nice sandy beach.

Far from my office,

no commute for me.

And if I win the lotto,

you know that is where I’ll be.

**BIG FINISH**

i bet it’ll go platinum.

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#5219 – as if folks needed a reason besides the description

sometimes a visual helps:

it’s JUST LIKE THIS when i have a happy hour at howl at the moon. like the one that i’m going to have this saturday. you should come if you can!

from the facebook invite:

Lots of you know the drill already, but for those of you who don’t, go to Howl At The Moon in Baltimore’s Power Plant Live (across the street from Power Plant, near Port Discovery) between 5:30 and 8 PM on Saturday and say my name at the door to get in.

No cover! First two drinks are $1 each! Half-off drinks after that until 8 PM! Free buffet until 7:30! Spread the word!

Will Glenn go crazy on stage?? Is that picture of Glenn, or Iggy Pop?? Will he get run over by a overzealous audience member who wants to dance with him?? Does “Mama say ‘knock that pole out'”?? Will he ever again be hoisted on the shoulders of his fans and carried around the bar?? All these stories are true!!

also, i keep forgetting to say that i got set up with google voice about a week or so ago when they first started giving out invites. so, new phone number!

724-264-5366, which magically works out to: 724-2N-GLENN — easy, huh? 🙂 my previous one works too, but this one is more awesome and you should use it, especially if you don’t have my original number.