coworker: “…so he got home from china or somewhere and his key didn’t work, so he had to break into the house, then the cops showed up and when he caused a fuss he was arrested.”
other coworker: “whose house?”
me (eavesdropping): “RUN’S HOUSE!!”
—
greyplanet, i admit it, i totally thought of you when i saw the “Because I (expletive) my pants every time I enter the building.” quote.
—
today my new job became even more official when my new manager sent out the announcement to the whole government organization about my promotion:
The National Government Systems team is pleased to announce Glenn Fitzpatrick’s promotion to System Analyst.
This position will be focusing on key projects and improving turn around on high priority deliverables.
Glenn brings to the team a BS degree in Information Systems Management from UMBC.
Glenn is currently an Executive Relations Coordinator on the Quality Assurance Team and will begin on August 16th.
Glenn created the OCC calculator used in QA for auditing purposes and credit issuance.
Glenn was also able to put his technical skills to test when the team needed assistance with the Coaching and Feedback database and was able to fix it within minutes!
Along with the above mentioned, Glenn is working on the Six Sigma program and has almost completed his black belt.
Please join us in congratulating Glenn on his new position.
only a few things wrong, though:
– UMUC, not UMBC
– i’m nowhere near my six sigma black belt. i’m doing training on an internal site to prepare me for the six sigma black belt exam, but i can’t test for the black belt exam until i get the green belt first, which i can’t test for until i take a course to prepare me for the green belt exam (or so villanova’s online program tells me). i’m mostly taking the black belt training at work right now just to kill time and give me something to do while i wait for my new position to start, since this project i’m supposed to be working on isn’t really materializing.
and speaking of killing time at work, i posted this on my twitter before i left the house this morning:
that got me thinking, and then later i posted the following as a string of tweets:
I hear the boss a-comin’
she’s comin’ to my cube
and I know where my towel is,
because I’m a hoopy frood.
I’m stuck here in the office
waiting for 5 PM.
But people keep emailing me,
and they’re still misspelling “Glenn”.
When I started working,
my buddies told me this:
“You’ll always get promoted
if it’s management’s butt you kiss”
but my TPS reports lack coversheets,
that I can’t deny.
So when I’m passed over for promotions,
I hang my head and cry.
**GUITAR SOLO**
If I were a manager,
with a bigger salary,
then I’d do things only a little differently:
I’d have robots do all the work,
you see
but if the robots ever had an uprising,
then they’d be torturing me.
**GUITAR SOLO**
If I were free from my cubicle,
if I put in my two weeks,
you bet I’d spend my days
on a nice sandy beach.
Far from my office,
no commute for me.
And if I win the lotto,
you know that is where I’ll be.
**BIG FINISH**
i bet it’ll go platinum.