Nervous steps

I’m looking into making an appointment with a psychologist. I had been thinking about going into therapy for some time, and while I’ve mentioned it to my doctor once (and he suggested that it’s probably a good idea), I hadn’t really looked much into it for a while. So many psychologists to choose from, and how can I tell who’s good for me, etc., etc., it all just got overwhelming and I kept giving up. Well, after seeing a post on the Washington DC Reddit board the other day from someone looking for a therapist I thought I should get back into searching for one. It’s been three years since I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression, and while the medication I’m on has generally helped with the effects of anxiety and depression, I still don’t feel like I’m quite in the correct space mentally that I ought to be after three years. Even though I don’t feel quite capable of it anymore, I almost feel like a good solid cry like I used to be able to do before diagnosis would help a lot, but I know it wouldn’t. I just have those same feelings inside me and need some way of getting them out.

I also want to be able to handle my anxiety and depression better. I know there are situations that can affect me negatively that I should be able to handle. I need a better way of coping. Hopefully meeting with a psychologist would help me with that.

I’m also concerned about my social life; I feel like my anxiety and depression is holding me back. I don’t enjoy going on dates so much any more because I’m having a hard time believing (hm, perhaps too strong of a word; “understanding” might be better) why anyone would want to be around me, or me convincing myself of what I might be able to offer a partner.

I feel like I’m in a rut with my work right now as well, and feeling worried about work as a result. When I’ve got a plan, I’ve got a pretty good idea of how to get my project from point ‘A’ to point ‘B’, but right now I’m not quite sure what I’m supposed to be doing. I’m not quite sure what work I’m expected to do. It doesn’t help that we’ve had a few senior people leave over the last few months to move on to other jobs so we’ve had to step up and learn what they do and take over from them. It’s not like I haven’t embraced that as an opportunity, either. I’m just worried that I should be doing things at work other than what I’ve been doing, and that once I finish this current project at work I’ll be left in limbo. (Speaking of being nervous about what I’m doing, I hate it when I’m working from home ((We’re getting an ice storm tomorrow morning, and I’ll likely work from home, so this concern is both topical and timely!)) and having to email to say what I’m working on. I don’t want to sound like I’m slacking, but I also don’t want to say I’m doing work that I’m not) Our contract ends in a few months, and while I haven’t had any indication that my work hasn’t been appreciated, it’s the first time that I’ve been in a position where I’m tied to a job whose contract is ending and will have to be re-bid. The last time I was in any sort of contractual job was back when I was a temporary employee for Adecco and had been working as a temp for a year and a half when I should have been there for six months, max, so knowing that my contract might be ending soon leaves me a bit nervous. Not that I’m worried about my job finding me new work elsewhere if necessary, but I like my location and the people I work with, and I’m not looking forward to the possibility of that changing.

So I’m looking into setting up an appointment with a psychologist, and I think I might have found one that I’d be comfortable with (and takes my insurance, bonus!). I just have to call her and see what we need to do to make this happen… as soon as I stop stressing about contacting her. Did I mention that one of the reasons why I kept putting off finding a psychologist was the anxiety I felt just looking for one?