Looking for discussion topics in all the wrong places

Haven’t done much exciting the last few days. I stayed in at home on Saturday just to do laundry and chores, and though I thought about going to Mom and Dad’s on Sunday (Dad’s going to take Kelly’s stuff to Tennessee on February 1, so I need to copy her DVDs for the family by then), I hung out with Dave and Dan and Kat instead.

I bought a new wireless router while Dave and I were waiting for Dan and Kat to get home. It wasn’t that long ago that I bought my Airport Extreme base station, and I’m not even sure that it’s 100% at fault, but I had recently started having issues with different devices dropping connections to my network. It wasn’t even like they were dropping connections frequently, but when they did it was pretty irritating to try to get them to reconnect. At first I figured I could just live with it but my decision to “just live with it” didn’t last very long. $200 later I’ve got a new wireless router and this one has a physical wifi on/off button on top. It only took Bertie 17 1/2 hours to sit on it and turn my wifi network off.

Today I worked from home. Even though it didn’t snow as much as I was expecting it to and though I could have gone into the office, there’s more snow coming tonight and rather than trek to the office and back with my work laptop both ways I just stayed home to work instead. At least I was able to get a lot done.

Even though I’ll be working from home tomorrow (likely, unless the government makes some crazy decision to open and not give people the choice to telework) I’ll still have to venture out tomorrow afternoon for my second therapist appointment. Second appointment in two weeks, and second time in two weeks that it’s snowed. This time though I’ll take Metro rather than trying to find parking after last week’s discovery that all the blocks in that area have rush-hour parking restrictions starting at 4 PM, and me with my appointment at 5.

I was thinking today that I wasn’t even sure what I was going to talk about in my session tomorrow; it wasn’t like I had a rough week or that I’ve been feeling especially depressed or anything, but then I suddenly felt sad and lonely. I just feel cold and wish I had someone here with me and wish I could find it easy to get back into dating again but I also feel like it’s become a pointless exercise to try to meet someone for dinner or drinks just to maybe see each other one or two or zero more times and then I’m back at square one all over again. I feel terrible about it also because I feel like there are so many more important issues in the world I ought to be concerned about and yet I keep coming back to this feeling like I won’t find another relationship. I’m almost worried that I don’t know how to sustain a relationship anymore since the ones I’ve tried to start in the past four years haven’t gone anywhere. I just hate that I feel so frustrated about this, but I don’t know how else to feel, and I don’t know what else I could do to change things except for what I’ve tried to do and what I’m currently doing. It’s just so… so… disappointing I guess is the best way to put it. I’m sad and I’m frustrated and regret that I feel this way and I know it’s probably unreasonable but it’s the worst.

At least I got my taxes done today. Turns out I’ll be getting back $110 federal and $405 from DC, so yay for free money.