#5336 – sometimes i think i'm alright too

i’ve been watching all of the current doctor who series in order lately. i fell off the wagon after several episodes and for some reason or another i just never got back into it. in the last few months i’ve been watching it in sequence (even the episodes i’ve already seen) just to get all caught up. if only i had a TARDIS of my own, considering how much i’d love traveling and exploring! it probably sounds stupid, but after watching several episodes in a row yesterday and today, i can relate to the 10th doctor the most, i think. especially after this exchange from an episode i watched today:

“what about you? you alright?”

“i’m always alright.”

“is ‘alright’ special… time lord code for ‘really not alright at all’?”

funny, “alright” is usually my bullshit explanation for how i usually describe how i’m feeling, even when i’m not alright. and i usually have that same sort of expression that david tennant has on his face when he said “i’m always alright.”

it feels weird being single for the first holiday season in years, and yet, i don’t know how i feel. i’m not mad or upset any more like i was a few months ago… at least, i don’t think i am. “disappointed” is probably the closest to it. especially since i found something i would have liked to give to her and that i think she’d probably enjoy, but i don’t know how i’d go about giving anything without it being awkward. and now that it’s cold, just about every day i end up wearing one of the sweaters she gave me and i notice them slowly shrinking, and though they’re just material clothes, to me they’re a reminder that someone once wanted me to be warm and comfortable and thought i’d look attractive wearing them. i try not to think about when they eventually become too small or threadbare for me to wear anymore.

“i’m alright” might have to do.