#5153 – my name's paul and this is between ya'll

so the debate was pretty boring, but it was what happened after we changed the channel to something else that the real chuckles began.

i went up to baltimore to bad decisions to hang out at the bar and see who was in tonight and to watch the debates. they were showing the movie “dodgeball” on tv beforehand, and when it came time for the debate greg the bartender tried to change another tv at the bar to the debate, but that one wasn’t picking up a satellite signal for some reason (i think later someone said it was hooked directly up to a dvd player and that was why), and he had to switch the tv showing “dodgeball” to the debate instead.

this guy and girl to my left had printed up and brought in some sarah palin bingo cards, so i got one of my own to play. i was able to check off “surge”, “mayor”, “wasilla”, “wall street”, “main street”, “hero”, “governor” and “suspend the campaign” on mine, but i never got a bingo. 🙁 this girl at the end of the bar seemed to recognize me (she waved at me, or maybe she was waving at someone behind me…?), and she used mine as a template to design her own on a scrap piece of paper.

so the debate starts and we’re watching and having a fine time and these two girls and one guy come in and sit to my right: semi-attractive girl sits directly to my right, then democratic fundraiser girl and then her guy. apparently they started or otherwise tried to watch the debate at the bar across the street, but since it was on mute with no closed captioning they decided to leave and go to bad decisions to watch. whenever biden would do or say practically anything, democratic fundraiser girl would cheer or otherwise indicate her approval and told us a few times how she’s a democratic fundraiser. they also wanted their own bingo sheets, but the guy who had brought them didn’t have any more to give out.

this goes on for about an hour, and then mike (john the owner’s brother) comes around the bar and tells everyone how in just a few minutes they’re going to be changing from the debate to “it’s always sunny in philadelphia” because apparently that’s the bar’s regular usual thursday-night thing. everybody was fine with it (and even if they weren’t, it’s not your bar so you can’t really complain) until mike got to the girls to my right.

semi-attractive girl and i were talking about our respective drinks and she thought mine tasted delish (i don’t know what it was, i just told greg i wanted “something orange” when my friend mikey ordered the same earlier in the night), and when she ordered her next drink (a miller lite) she offered to buy me another drink, but i figured i’d just decline at this point.

so mike gets to the girls to my right and tells them that the tv will be changing to “it’s always sunny in philadelphia”, and to them this is absolutely unacceptable. semi-attractive girl becomes psycho hose-beast and democratic fundraiser girl says how she HAS to watch the debate because otherwise she’ll lose a bunch of money tomorrow (huh?). psycho hose-beast and democratic fundraiser girl try getting mike to tell them his first and last name and address and phone number, which he’s not keen on doing. it sounded like they were threatening mike that the entire democratic party of maryland will boycott the bar because of this. they also try pumping greg the bartender for information, and he says that he just works for mike’s brother who owns the bar, and the girls counter with “well if they’re brothers then you know his last name!”, so greg just tries to drag it out by saying that mike’s name is “mike r…….”. psycho hose-beast starts dipping her fingers in her beer and flicking them in the air saying she’s “giving beer to everybody… spritzing people with beer”, so mike takes her beer away and pours it out.

then the two girls (both white) start saying that the NAACP is going to be involved, and suddenly this other white dude with harry-potter glasses that have lenses the size of quarters and a beige jacket with a handkerchief in the breast pocket shows up. he practically had “douchebag” written across his forehead, and he starts saying something that sounded like “why were my clients shitted on??”, and “why were things thrown at my clients??” (uh, nothing was ever thrown) “so why is this liquid everywhere??” (it’s drops of beer from when psycho hose-beast was “spritzing” everyone with beer). apparently the democratic fundraiser girl’s man was trying to apologize for all of this while it was going on as well.

so mike gets things kind of straightened out with mr douchebag — i’m not sure what information he ended up giving, if any — and psycho hose-beast hands greg her credit card and says “i don’t care, charge whatever you want!”, and i wished i had taken her up on that second drink. greg didn’t, of course, but we couldn’t believe that he was able to resist putting the max he could on her card as an asshole tax.

while greg was ringing up her bill, some random girl who was probably a skater tot that i had never met was there, and she goes to talk to psycho hose-beast to maybe either try to keep her distracted or to try to diffuse the situation or both. apparently psycho hose-beast just started some indoor (soccer? volleyball?) league and this girl réné says “oh my god, me too!”, so of course psycho hose-beast wants this girl’s phone number but is too drunk or out of it to work her blackberry well. she gives her blackberry to réné to save her phone number, but instead of saving her phone number, réné tells the blackberry to DELETE THE ENTIRE ADDRESS BOOK. when she hooks it back up to her computer she can restore her contact list, as long as she’s backed it up before. if not, OH WELL.

so this 20-30 minutes of post-debate chuckles was more amusing than the actual debate itself. the moral of the story: karma is a bitch, and whiners should shut up and go home.