RESULTS OF ROUND 4: Rasputin beats Mr. T, 13-7! Three cheers for the winner! Rah! Rah! Rasputin!
ROUND 5: R. Lee Ermey vs. Theodore Roosevelt
what he’s got: former marine corps drill instructor turned actor. served in vietnam. for the movie “full metal jacket” by stanley kubrick, “[ermey] performed a demonstration on videotape in which he yelled obscene insults and abuse for fifteen minutes without stopping, repeating himself, or even flinching – despite being continuously pelted with tennis balls and oranges.”
what he’s not: despite his tough-guy image prefers acting in comedies than action movies
what he’s got: former president of the united states, part of the “bull moose” party. commanded the “rough riders” during the spanish-american war and was posthumously awarded the medal of honor for his role in leading a charge. was shot in an assassination attempt, yet still delivered his speech immediately afterwards. mounted expeditions through the african safari and the south american wildernesses, and sent back numerous animals for scientific investigation.
what he’s not: unable to control his kids in the white house (“I can be President of the United States, or I can control Alice. I cannot possibly do both.”); squeaky voice.