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#3404 – quotations

i was talking last night about how i’ll poke through old lj posts and find all sorts of old quotes and comments that are chucklearious, but then i end up forgetting them or can never find them again, so i’m putting them into this one post that i can bookmark! this post to be updated as new material surfaces

carn_carby: the bum didn’t steal the candy? =) WOO WOO

me: for a second i thought of a hobo running in my classroom and running out with the bag of candy o_o;;

hobo: “this will feed my GREASY HOBO GANG for days! DAYS, I SAY!!!”

professor sinsky: “stop! thief! stop in the name of the laws of physics!”

*hobo falls down the stairs*

professor sinsky: “he fought the law of gravity, and the law of gravity won!!”


bruno_boy: LOLOLOL@@@

me: ?

bruno_boy: GLENN;S ON DA INTRAWEB1!!!111 LOLOLOL

me: OMGWTF!

*chat program crashes*

*sign back on*

me: I’M BACK ON TEH INTARWEB!!!1111

bruno_boy: YAY@!!!!


zenmetsu: THYE SELLL LWERCASEE LETERS?????????/ WHRE AT?????////?

me: the lower-case letter store, silly

me: they sell them by the case

me: XD

zenmetsu: OHH!!!!!111!! LOLZ!!!1


me: “ok, sir, we’ll just call your name when someone can help you out…”

man: “okey-doke… i’ll just look around at the other toys you have that i want… and you know, what you WANT and what you NEED are two different things…”

me: *smile and nod*

man: “…for example, i WANT to win the lottery, but i don’t NEED to win the lottery…”

me: *smile and nod*

man: “…though i am comfortable, winning the lottery would make me MORE comfortable…”

me: *wanders off*

then when he was talking to a saleswoman…

man: “SSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOT! now, if you weren’t a lady, i’d say the Other Word…”

saleswoman: “hehe, ok…”

man: “…though i don’t remember when the last time i said a dirty word… wait… i remember… it was on september 11. i said a very very bad word… it begins with an ‘F’…”

other salesperson: “hey, i know that one!”

man: “…yeah? it’s ‘fooey’, isn’t it?”

other salesperson: “yep!”

man: “yes, i said that very very bad word… three times… each time i said it was louder than its predecessor…”


josh: “why’d you tip the amish guys so much?”

ray: “well, they’re such hard workers…!”

josh: “yeah, but what are they going to do with your tip? buy more cows?? i’d rather use my money to buy myself something electronic… hmm… that makes me think… these amish guys must have some special exception ’cause they’re using all that machinery in the market…”

ray: “yeah…”

josh: “…and lights! OOOOHH! *waves hands dramatically* and an ATM machine! i wonder if they know what ATM stands for, anyway?”

me: “hey, there was an amish guy and his two sons in this morning to get a phone…”

josh and ray: “hey, that’s right!”

josh: “i remember seeing them! if i had to sell them a phone i’d be all ‘no, i can’t sell that to you! i know all about you guys! i read things!’…”

ray: “hehe… yeah, we’ll turn him in!”

josh: “that’s right! we’ll rat them out!”

ray: “but we could be persuaded to keep quiet if you give us a lifetime supply of pepperoni rolls…!”

josh: *eyes get big* “mmmmm…. pepperoni rolls…”


4:06 am, after i planned to go to bed by 3 am…

me: anyways, i’m an whore and 6 minutes late for bed

me: i mean “hour”

me: hehe

zenmetsu: LOL

zenmetsu: that was funny

me: ^_^;; QUIZ: CAN YOU GUESS WHAT GLENN IS THINKING ABOUT???? (10 points)

zenmetsu: SEX SEX SEX GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS

me: we have a winnah! *gives dan a cupie doll*

zenmetsu: yaaaaaaaaaaaay

see also //glennfitzpatrick.com/2001/11/random-glenn/


me: d’oh!

me: MY POWERS OF DEDUCTION HAVE FAILED ME!!!

me: TIME TO COMMIT HAIKU!!!

zenmetsu: …

me: deduction powers

me: you have failed me so badly

me: i hate you a lot

zenmetsu: ……


*making plans to get a bunch of friends together*

mytinyworld: “I bet we could still meet up tommorow, it’s not like anyone’s doing anything else”

me: “for a second i thought you said ‘not like anyone’s doing anyone else’ – curse my less than perfect eyesight and my more than adequate hormones!”


me: *talks to chris about girl-ogling situations*

producer_chris: “well, when a situation like that comes along, i guess you should take it… i mean, you gotta take what you can get when opportunity ‘knockers’…”


producer_chris: “hey! cute girls down below!”

us: *leans over in our seats to see over balcony*

dave: “dude, how’d you know they were there? you can barely see them from this position.”

producer_chris: *smug* “… like a hawk.” XD

later

producer_chris: “girls to the left!”

us: *look*

dave: “… dude … they look like they’re 14” T_T;

producer_chris: “… like a hawk?” XD;;;;;;;;;;;;

us: ^_^;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;


distante: “sorry, I’ve been working on cosplay ;D shh, keep it a secret that I’m gonna be ______!”

me: “i know XD that’s why i im’d you about it and didn’t comment about HAWT ______ KOSPLAY HUMP-O-RAMA TO TEH MAXXXX!”


(at work)

john: man, suzy is hot in her underwear…

me: oh really? do tell…

john: yeah man… *tells a long detailed story for my ears only* …and so next time you see her ask her what happened at the paradise inn hotel.

me: uh, she’s my hair stylist. i don’t think asking about her in her underwear while she’s standing up holding sharp clippers behind me while i’m sitting down is a good idea!

john: …good idea.


chris: so colin and i were out back on our smoke-break and the dumpster out back is FULL OF PORN MAGAZINES!

me: hm, i remember something like that happening once before…

chris: so colin and i looked at some and were like “‘where’s the girls? it’s all buff guys?!’ and then we realized these ones were GAY porn magazines!!”

me: *points and laughs*


me: …so i cheated and found these two pepsi bottles and won two free songs!

mom: can i have one? i want to get “hey ya!”

me: XDD;;;;;;;;; @ mom listening to rap


whammywah on applying to work for verizon wireless:

whammywah: if anything happens i’ll be like “i’ve got to call the main office”

whammywah: and i’d call you

whammywah: like if a customer was bitching

whammywah: and i’ll be like “ceo glenn says to suck deez nutz”

me: lol


so i finish my yuengling and find myself an electric lemonade (i still felt bad about not paying cover so i rooted in my wallet and put in the bartender tip jar 3 sub-club stamps for subway XD;) and wander around sipping that when these three girls arrive – one was DEAD SEXY… man was she hawt – and nick takes me and introduces me to them. i didn’t quite catch their names though when he introduced me, but i ended up replying something like “hello ladies, i’m glenn. i’m single and sexy… or maybe that’s just the booze talking.”

you ever get that feeling of just turning into one giant pool of embaressment and think “oh my god, i did NOT just say THAT.” well, that’s what i was like right after that. smooth, glenn, real smooth.”

“the professor (a hawt chix) is asking the class “what’s an interface?”. this went on for a few minutes with no reply. she kept pronouncing it “innerface”, and eventually after she said “c’mon, someone knows and just isn’t telling me… what’s an interface???” i whispered to john “it’s where i put DEEZ NUTS!” – he almost lost it laughing in the lecture hall as everyone else was silent. he says that deserves to be zing of the year.”


all you keenspacers, have you ever looked at your keenspace logs? i mean really looked at them? more specifcally, the search strings people have used to find your page? this is the most random one i have EVER seen:

#1 search string for neobaka: “ninjas wearing plaid”


this morning on the way to church we were discussing dreams… apparently kelly had a dream last night about playing baseball with the orioles and was out in left field, i had a dream last night about riding around on the trams inside atlanta international airport, except my version of the trams went in layers down underground like this:

__________________

/__________________

__________________

and where this has the slashes, mine had these funky loop-de-loops to get down (or up) to the next level, and the g-forces kept people standing in the trains when they did their little maneuvers. the train that i was in was driven by mr. t too… i think that he was THE security force for the airport. ^_^

my dad heard about these dreams, and said that they could never match up to in either coolness or oddness this one dream that he once had where humphrey bogart taught my dad how to be a hockey goalie. ^^


i forgot to mention this after returning from baltimore the other day. i know of at least dan and stu knowing about my philosophy (“borrowed” from peter, hehe) – when something goes bad, or when there’s something you don’t really like, or something that gets to you, just say “oh well” (either that or “shucks” in my version, hehe) in a sing-songy sitcom-ish type of voice. while it doesn’t necessairily make things better, you don’t get so worked up about things this way.

reason why i bring this up is because on the way home from baltimore i saw this maroon minivan that looked like it was from the late ’80s. only thing out of place about this car was the driver’s side door must have been damaged at some time or another, and it was replaced with a version that was a really bright banana-yellow. it looked very out of place. the thing that i really liked, though, the phrase “WHO CARES?” spraypainted on the door in maroon paint.

i wish i had a picture of that car…

… oh well! ^_^


i’m finally working on a new webpage! i keep getting urges to work on a webpage for myself, but i never know what to really put in it. ^^;; so, after much deliberation, i’m finally working on a new site! go take a looky (but keep in mind that it’s not all done yet)! ^_^;;

dan took a look at it and since he knows of my track record in creating an anime-review page… well…

me: there, got the basics in – just need to start adding content

me: http://homepage.mac.com/oboe_sama/

dan: anime reviews.. ANIME REVIEWS! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

me: -_-


DAY OF THE 5 HOBOS.


drunken/various states of drunk posts:

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comment/other quotes:

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