#2447 – what to say, what to do

talked more with julie / julia today… i still haven’t figured out exactly if she’s julie or julia – it sounded like julie when she introduced herself, but i had some booze at the time, the room was loud, and online records seem to say otherwise – but boy do i like talking to her… it’s almost like talking to a female me, yet not! she’s surprisingly easy for me to talk with.

but now the question is, what do i say and what do i do now? it’s a bit early to blurt out that i’ve got the hots for her, yanno… ^^; like i said, she’s surprisingly easy to talk with, but it’s more an issue of what do i myself say. heh.

it’s that step into the unknown that’s making me nervous. the point where a rollercoaster reaches the crest of the hill after its slow climb. that spin of the roulette wheel when you’ve put all your money down on red 7.

if neil armstrong hadn’t taken that last step we never would have set foot on the moon.

i’ve realized that i start to feel insecure about any relationship when i feel that i’m the one carrying the conversation – when i’m talking to someone i don’t really want to talk with at the moment i kind of clam up right then and resort to saying the bare minimum to continue a conversation until the other person gets bored with me. thankfully i haven’t felt that way very much in my talkings with her. only slightly. but as bruno_boy said, “maybe she’s just not much of a talker.”

one weird thing about the whole situation is i saw in her profile that she does go to college of notre dame of maryland (“CONDOM”, heh-heh, heh-heh) and she had a quote about playing tennis there. i asked her today if she played tennis there and she said she did. i looked up about their tennis program online and my old friend michele i went with to middle school and to a formal at her high school one year actually goes there as well! i asked julia if she knew michele and she said she did, so i told her how i knew michele from back in the day. i guess later she saw michele and later she said to me (paraphrased) “you didn’t tell me you used to date michele in 7th grade” and then “crap”. now, “dated” is a pretty strong word… more like “pretty good friends who got caught with some other kids playing spin-the-bottle way way back in the day” is more like it, haha. i’m just wondering where the “crap” came from… does she think we’re still an item over the past 10 years even though i haven’t seen michele for the past 4 and so she’d have no chance of getting with the glennster? or was that more of a response to my previous question of “how was your dining hall food?” my guess is it’s the latter.

but again, back to the main conundrum: how to let on i’d like to meet her again in person and get to know her better, yet not come on so strong so soon. blargh. *angst angst emo angst* har har. 😛

i’d feel better about it after talking with her for about a week – it’s only been about 2 days so far.

ahh, pictures from white rose, where are you when i need you? i wish to share the hotness of this new girl i met with a select few! i also wish for either a burst of inspiration to tell me what to say, or a little bird to clue her in about me secret-like! but i’m not buddah, the holy spirit is starting to look like swiss cheese, and birds don’t talk. looks like i’m outta luck, for now at least. so i will go to bed, work on my japanese homework, burn a cd of my pictures of japan and drive up to campus to deliver it to sensei.

(after i typed all of this i realized that the kick in the pants i needed to help me out was with me all along. thanks teddy.)