(at work)

john: man, suzy is hot in her underwear…

me: oh really? do tell…

john: yeah man… *tells a long detailed story for my ears only* …and so next time you see her ask her what happened at the paradise inn hotel.

me: uh, she’s my hair stylist. i don’t think asking about her in her underwear while she’s standing up holding sharp clippers behind me while i’m sitting down is a good idea!

john: …good idea.

chris: so colin and i were out back on our smoke-break and the dumpster out back is FULL OF PORN MAGAZINES!

me: hm, i remember something like that happening once before…

chris: so colin and i looked at some and were like “‘where’s the girls? it’s all buff guys?!’ and then we realized these ones were GAY porn magazines!!”

me: *points and laughs*

(at home)

me: …so i cheated and found these two pepsi bottles and won two free songs!

mom: can i have one? i want to get “hey ya!”

me: XDD;;;;;;;;; @ mom listening to rap

whammywah on applying to work for verizon wireless:

dave: if anything happens i’ll be like “i’ve got to call the main office”

dave: and i’d call you

dave: like if a customer was bitching

dave: and i’ll be like “ceo glenn says to suck deez nutz”

me: lol