john: man, suzy is hot in her underwear…
me: oh really? do tell…
john: yeah man… *tells a long detailed story for my ears only* …and so next time you see her ask her what happened at the paradise inn hotel.
me: uh, she’s my hair stylist. i don’t think asking about her in her underwear while she’s standing up holding sharp clippers behind me while i’m sitting down is a good idea!
john: …good idea.
chris: so colin and i were out back on our smoke-break and the dumpster out back is FULL OF PORN MAGAZINES!
me: hm, i remember something like that happening once before…
chris: so colin and i looked at some and were like “‘where’s the girls? it’s all buff guys?!’ and then we realized these ones were GAY porn magazines!!”
me: *points and laughs*
me: …so i cheated and found these two pepsi bottles and won two free songs!
mom: can i have one? i want to get “hey ya!”
me: XDD;;;;;;;;; @ mom listening to rap
whammywah on applying to work for verizon wireless:
dave: if anything happens i’ll be like “i’ve got to call the main office”
dave: and i’d call you
dave: like if a customer was bitching
dave: and i’ll be like “ceo glenn says to suck deez nutz”