ok, so last night after work and dinner and everything i went to my brother dave’s place where he and his girlfriend christen were having a party, and fataleplay and adults_r_dumb went too. i got there just after 9 and they got there around 9:30ish.
there was a decent amount of people there… probably around 20 or so. they had a keg of rolling rock beer and some liquors in the kitchen, but i just stuck to the beer and had some champagne (well, i guess not REAL champagne since it wasn’t from france… this was some champagne imitation from italy) after midnight. i had enough of a buzz, but i definitely had my wits about me (as you will soon see). we hung out and watched the ball drop and tooted horns and popped poppers, but it wasn’t long after that that jen and mary had to leave since jen had a bad headache which had started before she got there.
from there, to quote matt, my little, “the party got shady real fast”.
there was some girl named lexi who drove up with her boyfriend(?) brandon (i say “boyfriend(?)” with a question mark on the end because throughout the night they broke up and fought and got back together about a dozen times or so it seemed), and they got in a fight in the parking lot causing the cops to come out to investigate the noise, so for the rest of the night we tried to keep them from killing each other, or if they were going to kill each other at least to kill each other quietly.
then this guy named kevin from towson threw up on himself so they laid him out on this inflatable couch and tossed his clothes in a bag and gave him a pair of christen’s shorts to put on over his boxers, so we kept watch on him and kept a bucket nearby.
meanwhile we’re still trying to keep lexi and brandon from killing each other.
the cops go away since christen went outside to talk to them and told them she lived there (the cops got suspicious when one guy outside didn’t have an id on him at the time, and even if he did the address on it wasn’t the one for the townhouse since they were just renting that for school.
then my friend steve and i find our friend chris in the basement getting really trashed, so we take him upstairs and put him on the bottom bunk of this bunkbed in the living room and put a blanket on him and he goes to sleep. when we found chris in the basement he had said to me “hey, lookit this cellphone i found… i asked the guys down there if it was theirs but they said ‘no’ so i think i’m gonna keep it.” i didn’t try to take it from him then since i didn’t want to aggravate anyone who was drunk.
by this time the only people that were left were pretty much people who were going to stay the night there. i sat in a corner with my stuff behind me so i could keep an eye on the rest of the place and keep people from trashing my stuff accidentally.
lexi and brandon are still fighting and going in and out of the house. lexi says brandon has her car keys, he says he doesn’t have them. brandon says she has his cellphone, she says she doesn’t have it. she says he has her cellphone, he says he doesn’t have it. since both of them were in no shape to drive, two guys that were there offered to drive them back to their places in laurel and find lexi’s phone and give it to her in the morning. i keep saying “i saw chris pick up a phone earlier” but of course nobody would listen to me. after lots of arguing between brandon and lexi with the 2 guys offering them rides and dave and christen playing referee they finally leave.
kevin sits up suddenly and *bleh*s again, matt drys him off and he goes back to sleep.
someone then gets the bright idea to move chris (MOVE CHRIS – FOR GREAT JUSTICE… i couldn’t help myself XD;) from the bottom bunk to the top bunk. they rouse chris and in his 98% asleep drunken stupor about 5 people try to help him climb to the top of this bunkbed. i sat back in my corner and kept trying to say it was a bad idea, but again, nobody would listen to me. at least the top bunk had bars aruond it to prevent people from falling off, but still, it’s bad news bears. they try to coax chris up the ladder (“c’mon, chris… one step at a time… you can do it…”) and as he nears the top he looks over at steve and just *bleh*s right on steve’s sweater, down the bedpost, and on the corner of the bottom bunk. didn’t really take any effort either, just *bleh*, and it was out. everyone was laughing except steve (of course) and the guy who was right behind chris because chris was busy farting in that guy’s face this entire time. they finally get chris on the top bunk, steve dusts off the bottom bunk and goes to sleep on that, while i unroll my sleeping bag in the corner and try to fall asleep while chris starts snoring like crazy and hoping nobody *bleh*s in my general direction.
steve and matt and i are all lying down talking when lexi and brandon and the two guys come back in and lexi is still demanding her cellphone. matt starts pretending to snore when they come in and the two guys crack up, and lexi says something about telling jokes, so matt says:
Q: what’s the difference between michael jackson and a plastic bag?
A: one’s plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, the other is michael jackson.
she didn’t think that was funny (matt says he told it wrong), so she starts freaking out about her phone again, and one of the guys decides to call it, and (wouldn’t you know) the ringing sound is coming from underneath chris. lexi tries to roll chris over and we say “BAD IDEA! don’t touch chris!! we learned our lesson!” and she says “there’s going to be bad times in here if i don’t get my cellphone!” i was just WAITING for steve to pipe up from the bottom bunk and say “but there’ll be bad times down here if chris lets loose again!!”
they get her phone, she and brandon can’t seem to decide if they’re still together or not, but she wants brandon to drive her home, so the guys say “well, you two will be responsible for that” and let them go since there’s no stopping lexi.
the two guys go to sleep upstairs or leave, and we end up falling asleep in the living room. this is around 4:30 am. but wait, story’s not over yet!
i wake up in the middle of the night when i hear a BOOM when chris starts to climb down from the bed and falls halfway down, and i look up a minute later and see him kneeling down near my corner and starting to unzip his fly, so i jump up and try to hustle him away, and he alternated between going to my corner and picking up cardboard boxes and throwing them around the room or grabbing the sleeping bag on top of matt and tugging on it. when he reached for his zipper again i got steve to jump up and help hustle him off to the bathroom. catastrophe averted! i run a tight ship… no leaks on my watch!
it was a while before i went back to sleep after that because i was just waiting for chris to come back out and fall asleep on the floor (he tried to climb back up but steve told him not to). i wanted to make sure my area was relatively secure before i fell back asleep.
i wake up again after sunrise (not sure what time) and just see matt standing behind kevin (who is still sleeping) holding the bucket and *bleh*ing into that as he walks toward the bathroom. i just went back to sleep but kept waking up and glancing at matt when he went back to his couch since it was right next to my corner.
finally i woke up around 11:30 and people started to get up and about, and we all chuckled and reminiced about what we could remember from last night. for being the drunkest one there, chris looked in the best condition, haha. i think i had the clearest mind of everyone there 😛 steve got out of the bottom bunk in only his boxers and t-shirt and everyone asked him to put his pants on but he didn’t know where they went, but he soon found them with beer spilled on them. they sent me out to mcdonalds to get chicken mcnuggets (BAD idea, not for food reasons but because it’s bad luck to eat chicken on new years’ day… you’re supposed to eat pork to be “high on the hog” instead of chicken which’ll make you “scratching all year”), so steve and i went out to mcdonalds and got their food and i dropped steve and the food off back at the house and went straight home.
i feel like i’ve been through a war now… i made it through relatively unscathed, but still shell-shocked, hahaha… ^_^;