"I'm a-gonna drop the funk bomb on 'em…"

got back from jillian’s with dan, tom, and stu. we went to the one here in ‘naplis first, but couldn’t go in – this one’s more of a bar, and nobody under 21 is allowed in after 6 pm. >_< so, grab din-din at the mall here and go to the jillian's in arundel mills. They wouldn't let tom in because of his pants (stupid dress code about "no athletic wear" 😛 ) so I got to crack jokes about how "all he wanted was a pair of pants... just a decent pair of pants!" so what did he do? found a $10 pair of jeans in the mall and joined us in the non-teenagery arcade. ^_^ go back home, and fool around with the parents. watched dad trim the cats' claws - gizmo does NOT take to this, but gadget just sits there and whines and complains. soon tom starts telling stories, kelly starts telling her stories, and tom starts reading a story mom wrote years and years and years ago about “paleobotany” and plants. kinda funny. at 1 am the parents go to bed and say kelly has to go to bed too, and tom and dan are ready to go (stu left a few hours ago, shortly after we got back home), and kelly starts to go to bed, and comes back down. i tell her to go back upstairs to bed while i’m chatting with dan and tom as they’re about to leave.

anyway, so i’m sitting here online, chatting with dan and he suddenly drops this bomb on me that he, (and i assume tom, will, and probably all the rest of my friends) think that kelly’s another one of their friends and that i’m always “too mean to my sister” and that they didn’t want to tell me before because they didn’t know how i’d react. >_< first of all, i'd have to say that their view is a bit skewed because when they see me here with her, they’re here too (surprise, surprise). when she has her friends over, it’s cool with me – i don’t bother them, they don’t bother me. (i guess i’ve taken this stance ever since i was jumped by her and her friends and tossed in a dress several years ago -_-;; ) i sorta expect things to be the same way with kelly and my friends – she leaves me and them alone, i leave her alone. but she always insists on hanging out with us. usually i’m ok to some degree with it, sometimes i’m not. it’s always after these situations that i’m not ok with it that they start to yell at me for “being mean”. >_< they don't get to see us when i don’t have friends over – i’m much more nice and friendly with her then.

on one hand, i say to myself “let her hang out with you and your friends,” while on my other hand i think, “but they’re my friends, and i’d like some time with them away from my family when i don’t want one group to be near the other group or vice-versa.” but, since they see kelly as another one of their friends, they immediately think i’m mean for not including her in activities. >_< mean. mean. mean. mean. mean. mean. mean. mean. >____< kelly's told me before that she likes dan, but i had no real idea until recently that it was something like this. she wants to date him for crying out loud! they've gone out together and i've found out only hours before its occurred because they "don't want to upset" me. can't say anything, because they'd probably immedately say "you're being mean - let your sister have some fun in life." *siiiiigh* i want some fun in my life. ;_; as soon as i start to feel secure in my life again, this happens. finally my outlook is shaping up, my grades are under control, i feel confident in talking to people and they like talking to me too. i'm a hard worker in the bookstore, and people are now coming and asking specifically for me to answer their computer questions and to help them with technical problems! i don’t feel like i’m the waste-of-space that i’ve been in past months. but now i feel like i’m being undermined by my friends. argh. >_<;; i know they're not, but now i feel very paranoid, and i'm probably not going to be able to sleep tonight, like dan jokingly said. i'm so pathetic. ;_; and mean too. don't forget that. >_<;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;